Tomarrow, Lord Nik, Diedre, and Lord Tybalt shall very likely make their way to the Capital of Asternal to face Amalsand Jakoba, who the land has deemed ruler. They go with diplomatic intentions. In hopes of perhaps preventing war between Asternal and Calabria.
I cannot go with them. And that decision is probally the hardest I have ever had to make. I have sworn to protect those I am with and the land that I live on. And if there is a glimmer of hope that this situation can be salvaged...then I cannot let my emotions interfer with this trip. And they will, if I go.
I have struggled with the decision and the reasons why.
I know it is possible to make a fatal mistake and still achieve forgiveness. Remi and Cerise are two examples of this. But there is attonement there. Effort.
To have the woman responsible for slaughtering the Don and his Eldest and many servants sitting in a position of power...a position given to her by this very land I sleep on, shakes me to the core. While it may have been the magic of the blade I weild that was responsible for this change, I can't say I feel good about it. How do you reconcile the woman that was, and the woman that is? Redemption comes with a price. And that price is not always paid by the redeemed. Who has paid Amalsand's price?
I cannot honestly say I can sit across from a diplomatic table from Amalsand and pretend to be civil. I am not sure how Lord Nik will be able to pull the feat off. It was his friend she murdered. I have to have faith in the abilities of my companions. Because I do not have faith in my ability to remain rational facing that woman, I make this choice.
If I go along, and I take justice into my own hand, I could be responsible for the destruction of both Calabria and Asternal.
Everything in me screams this is wrong, that there is something clouding our eyes to the truth of this situation. But I do not believe I can convince my companions not to go based on instinct. They each have duty and heart's they must follow. Mine says I must remain behind.